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| Baby B Baby A |
Apparently,
twins are different people. Seems like an obvious statement right? Well, babies
in general, and especially twins, have been a real learning curve for me. When
I was pregnant with the twins we knew they were fraternal, not identical. This
should have been my first clue. In the womb, my son, baby B, was very active. He was constantly flipping
around, kicking, and changing his position. My daughter, baby A (the lower
baby), however, was not as active. She stayed in the same position most of my
pregnancy. And she was shy. When the sonographer tried to take photos, my son
was ready for his close up. My daughter was camera shy. She almost always hid
her face from us.
I
always wondered to myself, and often out loud, if their in-utero behavior was
indicative of their personalities. People would regularly tell me that baby A
is usually feisty, especially if it is a girl, as was our case. So I expected
my baby girl to be, well, feisty. Towards the end of my pregnancy baby girl
developed what is known as asymmetrical growth syndrome. This is when a
developing baby becomes undernourished (which often happens with multiples) and
begins to direct the majority of nourishment and energy to the growth of vital
organs, like their brain and heart, at the expense of the liver, muscle and
fat. In our situation, our son was taking most of the nourishment, so
their growth became incongruent. He was beginning to get bigger than her. Her
growth had basically stopped.
So
when the twins were born, my daughter was born first (by one minute) and she
was 4lbs 3oz. My son was a whopping 4lbs 13oz; which doesn’t seem like much,
but in premature terms a 10oz difference is a big deal. Our baby girl didn’t
seem to have an ounce of fat on her body. She was all skin and bones,
literally. To be honest, it was scary. Ever since then, she has been behind our
son in physical development. However, she has always been the better eater.
Even in the NICU, she chugged her bottle while my son ended up with a feeding
tube in his nose due to him eating slow. Now, she has surpassed her brother by
almost 2lbs. She is so chubby and I couldn’t be happier. I just remember how skeletal
she looked for months, and I am so pleased that she now has rounded cheeks and
chubby thighs.
Yet,
she is not the feisty one. My daughter is quiet and observant. She is patient
and easy to please. She can play alone and not fuss about it. She is gentle and
joyful. She will nap when you need her to and she just goes with the flow. My
son on the other hand is very active. Since birth, he has been our crier. He is
a very particular napper. He wants attention, all the time. He needs to
be entertained. He is not patient, but he is a joy. He is laughing and smiling
most of the time, and so is baby girl. So they have stayed true to their womb
behavior. She is calm and quiet (when she isn’t laughing and babbling.) He is
on the go, into everything, and the center of attention.
I
still catch myself comparing them to each other; expecting them to develop the
same, sleep the same, and have the same needs. I forget that they are two
different people, with different needs and personalities. This may prove to be
a challenge when it comes to learning and discipline. I must remember that they
are different, and will need differing parenting techniques; although they are
the same age. The differing genders and personalities will present unique
challenges. Although I am a little nervous about this motherhood thing, I am
also excited to watch these two children develop and grow into little people;
with their own thoughts and idiosyncrasies.
One
of my biggest concerns is me. Because my son demands so much attention, and the
fact that he is the only baby who is mobile, I regularly end up holding him or
trying to soothe him. While holding him, I often look over and see his twin
sister watching us. And I have this horrible feeling that she is going to grow
up feeling neglected or looked over due to me tending to her brother so much. I
worry that she won’t feel as valuable or loved; and I criticize myself and
worry. But the moment I turn my back, my son has a mouth full, literally, of
dog food…or has found and is trying to chew a dirty diaper…and then I criticize
myself again. The truth is, I love both of my babies so much. They are special
in their own ways. They each bring joy to me in different ways. I try to
remember that they are very different, while at the same time sharing so many
similarities. And I try to divide my time. When my husband is home, I try to
always tend to my daughter to try and balance how much time my son needed
during the day. I hope that I am doing the right thing. I try to do my best; sometimes
I fail. I take comfort in the fact that God’s mercies are new every
day; even for me.
Remember to slow down and
enjoy the fruits of your labor and love on a daily basis and you will start to
see life as a Mama on the Bright Side.
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