Is My Husband Trying to Control Me, Or is it Something Else?

Most of my life I would’ve described myself as “a people pleaser, a doormat, and indecisive; happy to go with the flow.” It wasn’t until I got married that I realized just how much I actually crave control. Apparently it took wedding vows, in which I agreed to join lives with another, for me to develop (or recognize) an independent spirit. I suddenly didn’t want to be told what to do. Overnight (haha) I became selfish and self-serving.  And I realized that I wanted to have a little control over everything.

I find none of this surprising. This desire to be in control started way back in the beginning of Creation, captured in the book of Genesis. Genesis 3:16 says “Then he [God] said to the woman, "…. you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you." (NLT) Wow. That kind of says it all for me. I will battle with my flesh to control my husband but he is meant to rule over me. That can be a hard pill to swallow for some. Please don’t read the above verse and think of a chauvinistic man. That is not what God intended. Submitting to our husbands is meant to be, and can be, a beautiful freeing thing.

So control. Almost every day I find myself in situations where I am stressed and frustrated and I later realize it was because I couldn’t control what was happening. I even find myself getting irritated with my husband because I think he is trying to “control” me. For example, I will be walking on a sidewalk and at the end my husband says, “watch your step!” or I am going down our porch stairs and my husband says, “use the railing!” My first instinct is to be offended and I think, “I am not a child. I obviously am watching where I am going and I am not going to fall down the stairs, etc.” This leads to resentment. Why is he trying to control even the way I walk? Ugh!

Thankfully, I recently had a revelation. My husband loves me. What if instead of trying to control me, he was actually trying to protect me? I realized that my husband views me as precious. He wants to protect what he values, and thankfully that is me. The funny thing is, I owe this epiphany to the Ninja Turtles. Yep, you read that right. My husband loves old Nintendo games and one night I agreed to play the Ninja Turtles game with him. While playing the game he would tell me when to get out of the way of surprise attacks and he would sacrifice precious pizza slices that gave our Turtles life power so that my turtle could live and play longer…

I know that sounds cheesy, but it was then that I realized that even in a video game my husband is constantly looking out for me and trying to meet my needs. The problem is my ego and my need to be right and in control. I am lucky to have a husband that protects me and scouts out the hidden dangers that may be ahead.

Remember to slow down and enjoy the fruits of your labor and love on a daily basis and you will start to see life as a Mama on the Bright Side.