Adoption Awareness Month

 November is Adoption Awareness Month and I have asked Illona Roman of Bethany Christian Services to give us some insight into adoption and the need that our nation's children face. Please read her contribution as follows: 

November is Adoption Awareness Month, a time set aside to promote the many orphans around the world who need forever families. On any given day in West Virginia, there are 1,000 children who are ready to be adopted out of the foster care system. Ready to be adopted means their mothers and fathers have had their parental rights either relinquished or terminated. These children are waiting for a forever family.

Then there are women and men who are facing a crisis pregnancy. For whatever reason, these individuals are not ready to care for a child. They can be teenagers, young people, married, divorced, or single. They can be of any race, religion, culture, ethnicity or economic situation. They can be supported by family, friends, or completely alone. These babies need to find a family who is ready to parent them, and help them grow into adulthood. Individuals that place their babies for adoption are not uncaring, unloving or cruel. They are normal people who realize that caring for a child is a great responsibility, a responsibility that they may not be ready to take on. They love their child so much that they not only choose life for them, they also choose a bright future, one they are unable to provide. Some choose to have a completely closed adoption, while others choose a completely open adoption, but most choose what is called a semi-open adoption. These birth parents get the privilege of seeing their children grow up through pictures and letters. This is a blessing that has not always been available.

There is an estimated 153 million children around the world who have either lost one or both of their parents (UNICEF). In many countries, children are forced to leave the orphanage at a certain age due to overcrowding and a lack of resources. Many children end up in the slave trade, child labor or other horrific lifestyles. 100,000 to 300,000 American kids are victims of sex trafficking annually.

James 1:27 says Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this; to look after orphans and widows in their distress… NIV. Throughout the Old Testament, “orphans” and “the fatherless” are mentioned forty-one times.  Deuteronomy 27:19 Cursed is the man who withholds justice from the alien, the fatherless or the widow. NIV

Adoption is not an option for every family, but there are children who need those families who have never given adoption a thought to pray about what they can do. Bethany Christian Services (BCS) has been helping children find families for almost seventy years. BCS works with domestic adoption, children who are placed for adoption by their parents within the United States, international adoption from 12+ countries, and foster care adoption, where children find forever families. BCS also works with independent adoption, and embryo adoption.

If you would like to find out how you can help an orphan find a forever family, please call our office at 304-620-2695. BCS has monthly information meetings; please call to register and/or to request an information packet. Bethany Christian Services manifests the love and compassion of Jesus Christ by protecting and enhancing the lives of children and families through quality social services. Visit our website for more information. 

The Twin Difference

Baby B      Baby A 

Apparently, twins are different people. Seems like an obvious statement right? Well, babies in general, and especially twins, have been a real learning curve for me. When I was pregnant with the twins we knew they were fraternal, not identical. This should have been my first clue. In the womb, my son, baby B, was very active. He was constantly flipping around, kicking, and changing his position. My daughter, baby A (the lower baby), however, was not as active. She stayed in the same position most of my pregnancy. And she was shy. When the sonographer tried to take photos, my son was ready for his close up. My daughter was camera shy. She almost always hid her face from us.

I always wondered to myself, and often out loud, if their in-utero behavior was indicative of their personalities. People would regularly tell me that baby A is usually feisty, especially if it is a girl, as was our case. So I expected my baby girl to be, well, feisty. Towards the end of my pregnancy baby girl developed what is known as asymmetrical growth syndrome. This is when a developing baby becomes undernourished (which often happens with multiples) and begins to direct the majority of nourishment and energy to the growth of vital organs, like their brain and heart, at the expense of the liver, muscle and fat. In our situation, our son was taking most of the nourishment, so their growth became incongruent. He was beginning to get bigger than her. Her growth had basically stopped.

So when the twins were born, my daughter was born first (by one minute) and she was 4lbs 3oz. My son was a whopping 4lbs 13oz; which doesn’t seem like much, but in premature terms a 10oz difference is a big deal. Our baby girl didn’t seem to have an ounce of fat on her body. She was all skin and bones, literally. To be honest, it was scary. Ever since then, she has been behind our son in physical development. However, she has always been the better eater. Even in the NICU, she chugged her bottle while my son ended up with a feeding tube in his nose due to him eating slow. Now, she has surpassed her brother by almost 2lbs. She is so chubby and I couldn’t be happier. I just remember how skeletal she looked for months, and I am so pleased that she now has rounded cheeks and chubby thighs. 

Yet, she is not the feisty one. My daughter is quiet and observant. She is patient and easy to please. She can play alone and not fuss about it. She is gentle and joyful. She will nap when you need her to and she just goes with the flow. My son on the other hand is very active. Since birth, he has been our crier. He is a very particular napper. He wants attention, all the time. He needs to be entertained. He is not patient, but he is a joy. He is laughing and smiling most of the time, and so is baby girl. So they have stayed true to their womb behavior. She is calm and quiet (when she isn’t laughing and babbling.) He is on the go, into everything, and the center of attention.

I still catch myself comparing them to each other; expecting them to develop the same, sleep the same, and have the same needs. I forget that they are two different people, with different needs and personalities. This may prove to be a challenge when it comes to learning and discipline. I must remember that they are different, and will need differing parenting techniques; although they are the same age. The differing genders and personalities will present unique challenges. Although I am a little nervous about this motherhood thing, I am also excited to watch these two children develop and grow into little people; with their own thoughts and idiosyncrasies.

One of my biggest concerns is me. Because my son demands so much attention, and the fact that he is the only baby who is mobile, I regularly end up holding him or trying to soothe him. While holding him, I often look over and see his twin sister watching us. And I have this horrible feeling that she is going to grow up feeling neglected or looked over due to me tending to her brother so much. I worry that she won’t feel as valuable or loved; and I criticize myself and worry. But the moment I turn my back, my son has a mouth full, literally, of dog food…or has found and is trying to chew a dirty diaper…and then I criticize myself again. The truth is, I love both of my babies so much. They are special in their own ways. They each bring joy to me in different ways. I try to remember that they are very different, while at the same time sharing so many similarities. And I try to divide my time. When my husband is home, I try to always tend to my daughter to try and balance how much time my son needed during the day. I hope that I am doing the right thing. I try to do my best; sometimes I fail. I take comfort in the fact that God’s mercies are new every day; even for me.

Remember to slow down and enjoy the fruits of your labor and love on a daily basis and you will start to see life as a Mama on the Bright Side.

Next Step Baby Monitors

*I was not compensated for this review, but all opinions are my own.*

If there is one must have baby item in our house, it would definitely be our Next Step Baby Monitor. We were fortunate enough to receive, the Next Step IP Pro monitor, a little over a year ago and we still love it so much! You can read my full review here. 

Next Step is a family owned and operated business based in Southern California, founded in 2004. This is a company that truly cares about their customers. When we were installing our monitor, we had a few questions and we were able to call directly in to speak to someone who was very eager to help us get it right. This was so beneficial and made us feel very valued. Working with a company like this is so important to us.

In case you don't head over to read my full review, let me tell you just a little about the Next Step IP Monitor. This monitor provides anywhere baby monitoring from your iPhone, iPad, Android, Mac or PC. You are able to view while at home or away! We love this feature, whether its in the middle of the night or we are away on a date, we can peek in at our little one's! It makes us all feel extra safe. Also...what good would a great monitor like this be if you couldn't use it for a little fun? When our kids have friends over, we love watching them on the monitor and going back and saying something like "hey, good job building that tower!!". The look on their faces as they wander "what...how did they know I just built a tower"..priceless!!

The NextStep IP also has a pan tilt motion that can be activated from whatever device you're watching from, night vision , 2 way audio and more! For just a little more $ you can purchase the Next Step IP Pro (this is the model we have) this has a few extra features like upgraded audio, audio detection alert and a sleek new design.

The Next Step IP can be purchased for 99.99 and the IP Pro can be yours for 129.99! What better gift for any parent, that the gift of security? One of you will win your choice of an IP or $100 store credit so you can purchase the IP Pro for just $29.99! Please fill out the entry form below for your chance to win. This giveaway will end on Friday Nov. 22nd. Good Luck!

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Brylane Home-Digit​al Double Deep Fryer

When it comes to gift giving, there really isn't anyone much harder to buy for than the men in my life. Whether its my Hubs or my Dad, I am always stumped. It's not really that they are picky...but they're men! They either want it and have it, or they don't have it and don't want it. I am thrilled to share a few great items this Christmas season that the men are going to love!

The first item geared towards the guys, is coming from Brylane Home. If you have been a long time follower, you will know that over the past year this is a company my family has truly fallen in love with! From everything to home goods, outdoor decor and organizational needs; Brylane Home has it all. You also might know that in the past, Brylane Home's products have been meeting my wants; so what might they have that my Hubs would go crazy for?? I'm glad you asked!

Hubs , loves to help me in the kitchen....if he has a cool gadget to use. Ya know, a waffle maker or a high end blender. Yeah...that's when he gets down and dirty , helping make a buttery waffle or a green smoothie! So I knew he would just flip over the Brylane Home Digital Double Deep Fryer. What guy doesn't enjoy a good deep fried food? When you can make them at home, well that's even better! 

When our Deep Fryer arrived, I was thrilled to see that it was already put together. It took me just a few minutes to remove all of the plastic & cardboard from the packaging , then we were ready to go. Immediately I noticed some great features about the Deep Fryer, it has see through windows, digital easy to use controls, and two 12 cup fryers. 

The first thing we chose to make with our fryer was some Pumpkin Funnel Cakes...it was the weekend before Halloween, my in-laws were in to visit , it was the perfect evening treat after carving pumpkins! So, I really thought Hubs would be the first to use this, but he was enjoying some time outdoors with the kids and his parents & the night was slipping away so I decided to give it a go!

I will have to admit, I was a little nervous. I LOVE being in the kitchen, but hot oil scares me! So, trust me when I say this was a piece of cake to use! The push button controls are very easy to use, and the oil heated up quickly. Once it was ready to go, I dropped the wire basket into the oil for just a few minutes, flipping the funnel cakes over half way through. Once they were done frying, I simply pulled the fry basket out and hooked it on the drying rest.  Then, as you would with any funnel cake, we topped them with powdered sugar and they were delicious! Then, clean up was just as easy as the set up.

We've used the Digital Deep Fryer several times since we've received it. We've also made donuts and chicken nuggets so far. Everything has been so easy to prepare and delicious! Hubs has made both the donuts and the chicken and he's been so proud of himself ;-) Even the kiddos just love how fun the Deep Fryer is (not that they use it, but they get to enjoy the goodies it creates). 

The Brylane Home Digital Deep Fryer retails for $149.99, but right now its on sale for just $89.99! This is a Christmas Gift that is a win - win for everyone! Your Hubs will be eager to use it and you'll get a break from the kitchen. One of you will win one of your own. Please fill out the entry form below for your chance to win. This giveaway ends on Thursday 11/21, Good Luck!

          

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Living On Sensory Overdrive: Does Your Child Have Sensory Processing Disorder?

Hey Ya'll. I would like to introduce a friend and fellow mommy blogger. Melissa is a mother of 3, one of whom has "Sensory Processing Disorder" or SPD. SPD is not something that is commonly diagnosed and can seem like "typical rough boy's behavior," when in fact it could be something that needs more attention. I am sharing this blog because I think many parents can benefit from this information as she also posts very helpful information to help with many behavioral issues. It may shed some light into your life. 

So please take a moment and read this blog post from Melissa @  Living On Sensory Overdrive


This is the phrase that kept me from seeking additional support the first couple of years of Crash's life. In my eyes he was just a "rough and tough" boy with an adventurous spirit. That couldn't be in the same room with his brother if his brother didn't have a helmet on. That didn't interact with other kids. That enjoyed climbing on top of our couch at age two to jump into a pile of huge legos bruising himself in the process but LOVING IT. That ran full speed through locked baby gates ON PURPOSE. That dove into his brother's pack n play landing on his head every time because he liked the way it felt. That had to follow a strict, self imposed routine each day or FLIPPED OUT. That spun in circles for a few minutes each morning after waking up. That preferred cold baths. That ate only yogurt and soft hot dogs. You know, boys will be boys kind of stuff.

It's normal.

It wasn't Crash's behavior that led me to call "Birth to Three", an early intervention program, for the first time. It was his poor speech. Make that lack of speech. Other kids his age were forming short sentences and he was silent. S-I-L-E-N-T. Sheer silence didn't match up with his... energy level.

So I called them.

We made the early intervention appointment when Crash was 2 years old (he is now 4). I was still teaching at the time and had a new baby boy (current middle child, Scarface). Someone came out and asked us a ton of questions. Then a speech pathologist came out and confirmed that, duh, he was behind in speech. She was really nice by the way, and I liked her at lot.

An IEP meeting ensued. I say that so easily like it's normal and like I handled all of the emotions leading up to that day so well.

I didn't.

At that time I was well into my career as a special education teacher. I worked in one of the best school districts in the nation. I was well trained on how to work with kids with special needs, and I was proficient at the legal process regarding IEP meetings. I sometimes chaired these meetings. I went to court over these meetings. Occasionally I taught other teachers in our prestigious county how to run these meetings and write IEPs effectively. All of those years of preparation did not, however, prepare me for how to be the MOTHER on the other side of the table in those meetings.

The sad, nervous, ashamed mother.

Was it all in my head anyway? Was my adventurous, silent child just a late talker? Was this really necessary? Was I jumping the gun here? Was I just on board with getting "free services" for my child simply because I was a special education teacher and knew what I was entitled to if we so happened to fit all of the criterion for the services?

How could I have let this happen anyways?! I was a TEACHER for God's sake! And here I am sitting in an IEP meeting because my kid can't talk?!?!

We wrote Crash's IEP to include speech goals. Because that's all he needed. So I thought, let's just calm down and play it cool here... If he happened to add hundreds of words to his vocabulary to catch him up to his same age peers in the next year, then that would be awesome. I should just focus on that... enormous goal... that I'd been unable to meet despite doing everything I'd ever been taught in college or on the job. And if I just focused on not sucking as a mom then maybe this would all work out rather quickly...

Soon after our IEP meeting, speech services ensued the second I got home from work (around 4:30/ 5:00 pm). That's every person's best time of day right? Tired, hungry.... but who cares! Let's get this early intervention party started! I know you missed me all day at work today, Crash, but GET IT TOGETHER and work on talking RIGHT NOW, OK?

Weeks passed by and Crash started adding a few new words to his vocab! ALRIGHT!!! Then he stopped. Well.... technically we couldn't get him TO STOP... moving, jumping, bouncing, running, crashing... which apparently affects a kid's ability to focus on learning speech and other important stuff.

Crash's speech pathologist started mentioning occupational therapy services every time she came to see us week after week.... I can't tell you how long I just ignored her. Those were for kids that couldn't hold a fork. Or use the bathroom. Or cut with scissors. They were for kids that I TAUGHT in "real" special ed; they weren't for my handsome, normal little BOY. Couldn't she just see that he was being a REGULAR BOY?

Then one day Crash's service provider (different person than the speech pathologist) paid us a routine visit to see how things were going. Crash was there too... doing what he did best... crashing through things, on things, off of things... ya know... doing "boys will be boys" stuff.... After a few screams by the apparently sensitive service provider, she asked me about having an occupational therapist out to evaluate him. What?! Why?! So we can evaluate him for "sensory processing disorder" she said. <Insert my blank stare>.

I thought, "Everyone just needs to calm down here. I don't want to hear this right now." (Actually, what I wanted to do was throw up and cry if she didn't mind).

We scheduled the occupational therapy (OT) evaluation. That day came and our world changed forever.

I'm crying right now just thinking about that day. My hands are shaking a little if I'm being honest.

The sweet occupational therapist asked us a series of questions.... all of which we answered, "Yes"... and with every "yes" the lump in my throat grew bigger, my heart beat faster, and my stomach tossed and turned harder to the point where I just wanted to fall through the floor and smack myself over and over for doing something- or not doing something- to let this happen. I also wanted to accuse this wonderful woman of following us around and writing down everything my child had done since birth. Clearly she was just a stalker.

And she would become my lifeline for the remaining year. She would teach me about my son and save my sanity and my family.

You can read more about SPD and Melissa's journey at Living On Sensory Overdrive

Do Babies Come With a Manual?

     I am a first time mom. I am a first time mom of twins. Each day is a new adventure; I am learning this motherhood thing as I go. I try to read and do research, but most days I wing it.

     Growing up, there were never babies in my life. I never even knew anyone who was pregnant. So of course I knew nothing about babies. I remember asking my husband, right before our twins were born, “is someone going to tell us what to do?” The birthing classes and books tell you how to make sure babies survive, but they don’t tell you any of the in between things. Like what to do at 3 am when two babies are screaming, or what to do with liquid, explosive poopy diapers. They don’t go over the details involved in trying to rush a poo covered child to the sink in order to rinse them off. Wet babies are very slippery!

      My husband had never even changed a diaper before the twins were born. Both of us had a huge learning curve ahead of us. One of the nice things about the twins staying a week in the NICU was that we had a week of nurses teaching us to diaper them, feed them and burp them. There was nothing cuter/funnier than seeing my big husband trying to burp our 4lb baby boy. 

January 2013

     His hand was larger than our baby boy’s whole upper body. I love to watch my husband with the twins. They are so tiny and delicate next to him. It is like a bear trying to cuddle a fluffy duckling

January 2013

     Since the twins are our first children, I don't know any different. I don't know that it is any easier with just one baby; I can only assume. But because I have nothing to compare it to, I can complain less. I just figure out a way to get it done. Like bathing two babies by myself...or feeding two babies by myself. Sometimes you just have to learn tricks. My feet have come in handy. I can pick things up with my toes, re-position and support babies with my feet and even hold bottles with my feet...When babies are screaming in your face survival instinct kicks in and you just make do. 

Whatever Works

 

No Hands!

   Now fast forward about 8 months. The twins have just turned 10 months old. And they are doing great! They are so big; almost 20lbs each. They are so different from each other already. 

6 months old

     Life is harder now. I am now responsible for the lives of two brand new humans. Yes, I still refer to them as little humans because I am still in awe of the fact that they grew inside my body and now are living, breathing humans...God is so good and so big. Even though life is harder, more busy now, it is also so much richer, entertaining, and more meaningful. 

Remember to slow down and enjoy the fruits of your labor and love on a daily basis and you will start to see life as a Mama on the Bright Side.

We Could All Use a Little Transparency

I think that as mothers, it is important for us to be honest and vulnerable with each other. Usually we just share the positive things; the achievements, the accomplishments. But what if we shared our hearts? What if we shared our fears and insecurities and found that in sharing them we found not only release and grace but also a comrade in arms? Another mother who thought she was alone? Let's all vow to be brave today. When another woman asks you how you are doing, be honest with her. Be brave. Be vulnerable. Be transparent; be everything the world has told you not to be.

To be honest, this morning was a hard morning. Now, normally, I wouldn’t tell you that. I would post to facebook about a great scripture I read, or some other encouragement, and probably attach a smiley face to it. And while what I wrote may be true, it is only surface, because truly I am having a tough day. I was up all night and morning with a baby who was so congested he couldn’t breathe through his nose and had a fever; thus no one slept.

If you announce to the world that you are having a bad day, how does that reflect on you as a mother? As a wife? It is tantamount to admitting defeat in our society, and I know that it can make me feel like a failure. The response to this ugly honesty is often “advice” on how you should handle life instead (you are wrong, let me tell you how I would do it.) Sometimes women can be like sharks circling in the water; the moment we smell blood, we attack the weak, the wounded. How did this come to be? We were not created to be this way.

Thankfully, today, I was reminded of God’s goodness through real women in my life who I decided to be honest with. My Snapchat photos were not of sunrises or my daily devotional, but were instead of my crying, snotty nosed baby boy. And of my bedraggled, tired, bed-headed self, announcing that I was in fact having a rough go of it. And you know what I got in response. Sympathy. Prayer. Encouragement.

Lying and saying I was fine would have gotten me isolation, but being transparent got me life-giving community with other women; which is priceless. Don’t let the world fool you. Not all women are sharks. In fact, most sharky women are actually shy, nervous, unconfident baby seals wearing a shark suit. So take a chance next time you need prayer, encouragement, or just a sympathetic nod. Let’s all give each other the chance to be the women, the friends, we were created to be.

Remember to slow down and enjoy the fruits of your labor and love on a daily basis and you will start to see life as a Mama on the Bright Side.